


Can a Sponge and an Octopus Rebuild The Business?

by Sandersedge



Series: The Life and Times of SquidBob [9]
Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Business, First Dates, Help, Ink, Interviews, M/M, Massage, Old Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:41:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28887792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandersedge/pseuds/Sandersedge
Summary: After events left Squidward and SpongeBob down a fry cook, they get back into their old roles until they can find more help. An old friend comes back though and is poised to take another one of their staff away. Fearing that they will be permanently stuck running things at the Krusty Krab, the pair embark on finding a new staff which turns into quite the process. Thinking that the long day is over, the two sit back and relax only for another calamity to take over.
Relationships: SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles
Series: The Life and Times of SquidBob [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978231
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. The Return of the Krabs

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a shorter story this time around, but it's tying up some lose ends as this part of the series winds down. Don't worry though, even with just one more part left the series won't be ending. After Part 10, there will just a be little bit of time skip where the story will pick back up.

After the altercation between Squidnando and Squidward, the Krusty Krab remained closed for a few days. A detective had turned up to gather evidence and didn’t want anyone messing up a crime scene. Also, Squidward and SpongeBob had to find themselves a new cook to replace the one that was now sitting in a jail cell. 

As Squidward was sitting at one of the Krusty Krab tables with a detective there was a knock at the locked front doors. Squidward sighed thinking it was a customer that couldn’t read the closed sign and excused himself to see who it was. To his surprise it was a rather dejected looking Mr. Krabs. 

“Eugene?” Squidward said as he opened the door. 

“Hello Mr. Squidward,” Mr. Krabs said. “Why are ye closed?”

“Long story,” Squidward replied. “Come in, I’m just finishing up with a detective.”

“Detective?” Mr. Krab now sounded very concerned. 

“I’ll tell you everything shortly,” Squidward said and returned to the detective. 

A few minutes later, Squidward escorted the detective to the front door and then turned his attention to Mr. Krabs. 

“So what’s this about a detective?” Mr. Krabs' voice was shaky. “Did someone steal the formula?”

“No,” Squidward took a deep breath. “You remember that octopus we hired, the one from Spain? Well he tried to force himself on me the other night and in order to defend myself I stabbed him with a fork, then smashed a skillet over his head.” 

“Oh Neptune,” Mr. Krabs was in shock. “Are ye alright lad?” 

“I’m fine,” Squidward really wasn’t totally fine, but he didn’t want to get into that right now. “We just closed the Krusty Krab for a few days so the police could find their work and we could give the kitchen a good cleaning.” 

“Aye,” Mr. Krabs nodded. “Well that does make sense and I’m glad you’re alright Mr. Squidward.” 

“Thanks Eugene,” Squidward forced a smile. “So not to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?” 

“New Kelp City wasn’t for me,” Mr. Krabs looked like he was on the verge of tears. “Pearl met up with her mom and I tagged along thinking I could woo Sheila back. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Having nowhere to turn, I came back to the only place I could think of.”

“I’m sorry Eugene,” Squidward put a tentacle on the now crying crab’s shoulder. “What about Pearl?”

“She’s staying there,” Mr. Krabs wiped at a tear. “I can’t force her from her mom.” 

“There’s a place for you here if you want it,” Squidward said. 

“Oh no!” Mr. Krabs chuckled through his sobs. “Not being in the restaurant biz and just collecting the money has been excellent so thank you, but no.”

“The door’s always open,” Squidward said. “Well except when it’s locked of course.”

“Cute Mr. Squidward,” Mr. Krabs seemed to be in a slightly better mood. “No I’m going to...well I haven’t got that far yet, but it’s not going to be sitting around here.” 

The two men talked for a while longer. Squidward didn’t really want to spend his day talking with his former boss though. There was still a ton to do before they reopened the door tomorrow. However, as they talked, Squidward quickly realized that Mr. Krabs really did need a shoulder to cry on about his time in New Kelp City. 

Squidward glanced at the clock and saw that it was just past four in the afternoon. He bid goodbye to Mr. Krabs and with a sigh made his way into the kitchen to finish cleaning up. It would be a long night for sure, but he knew how important that talk had been and after all, Mr. Krabs did essentially give his business to him.


	2. A New Found Love

The next day felt like the good old times with SpongeBob behind the grill and Squidward sitting at the cash register. Cindy was there too, but she was being a food runner since it was a busy day. 

The three of them acted like a well oiled machine too and orders were going out fast and furious. Squidward took notice of this and made a mental note that the Krusty Krab would probably work better with three people running the front of the shop instead of the normal two. Of course, it meant it would require more money, but given how quickly the orders were flying, it seemed like it would ultimately be a money maker. 

As the day went on, Squidward made more mental notes that he figured needed addressing. It felt good to actually be in the role as a manager and it beat sitting back in the musty office just counting money. 

“Ahoy boyo,” Mr. Krabs shouted as he walked through the doors. 

“Hey Mr. Krabs,” SpongeBob ran out of the kitchen and gave his former boss a hug. “What are you doing here? Not that I don’t want you here. Dahahaha.”

“Me senses were tingling,” Mr. Krabs squinted his eyes. “Why are there three of ye here instead of just two?” 

“It’s been super busy today,” Squidward said. “Cindy has been a huge help getting orders out and we're on track to have a record sales day.”

“A record sales day you say?” Mr. Krabs eyes momentarily flashed green dollar signs. 

“Yup,” Squidward opened the cash register to show Mr. Krabs the pile of money that was building in it. 

“Well as you were Mr. Squidward,” the crab said, clearly surprised that this was all working so well. “Before I go, is Cindy around by chance?” 

“Heya Mr. Krabs!” Cindy said, popping out from the kitchen. “Looking dapper today sir!” 

“Well thank you lass,” Mr. Krabs smiled. “When ye’ve delivered that order can you join me for a second?” 

“Is that OK Squidward?” Cindy looked at her boss. 

“It’s time for your break anyway,” Squidward replied, wondering what Eugene was up too. 

After Cindy dropped the food off at the table, she quickly fixed her hair then went to sit at one of the tables with Mr. Krabs. Squidward looked on trying not to spy on them, but failing to do so horribly. As the couple chatted Squidward could see Cindy’s smile getting bigger and bigger before vigorously shaking her head yes. 

A few minutes later she hugged Mr. Krabs and returned to the kitchen. 

“So what was that about?” Squidward chuckled as Cindy glided past. 

“Oh nothing,” Cindy giggled and went into the kitchen to fetch another order. 

Mr. Krabs made his way over to Squidward and leaned up against the boat counter. 

“So what was that all about?” Squidward asked. 

“I’m, how do you say?” Mr. Krabs tried to think of the expression. “I’m putting meself back out there in the dating game.” 

“You asked Cindy out?” Squidward was a bit surprised. 

“I sure did,” Mr. Krabs beamed. “She’s a lovely lass and me thinks I’d enjoy her company a great deal.” 

“Well Eugene,” Squidward chuckled. “She is certainly cute and you could do a whole lot worse that’s for sure.” 

“Glad you see it my way Mr. Squidward,” Mr. Krabs slapped the octopus on the back. “Now as you were, I need to go figure out where I’m taking that girl.” 

“Good to see you Eugene,” Squidward said. “You’re always welcome to stop by.”

“GOODBYE MR. KRABS!” SpongeBob stuck his head out the window and shouted at his former boss as he waved his hand frantically. Mr. Krabs gave a hearty wave and with a click of his heels he left the Krusty Krab in an upbeat mood.


	3. A New Team Assembles

Squidward, SpongeBob, and Cindy continued to work as a team for the next couple of weeks. While it was tiring, both SpongeBob and Squidward were having fun whether they would actually admit it or not. Still, they knew that they needed to hire a staff so they could take that family vacation they’d been longing to go on. 

There was also the matter of Cindy as well. Her and Mr. Krabs had hit it off spectacularly well. They were practically inseparable and it was only a matter of time before Eugene popped the question to Cindy. Whether she’d stay around after that or not was a big question mark, but Squidward was going to plan on her inevitable resignation. 

Since they needed to rebuild their staff, Squidward typed up a want ad and put it on various websites and newspapers. Thankfully, within a few days numerous replies were coming in from all across Bikini Bottom and Squidward was hopeful that there were at least three in the stack that weren’t completely useless. 

“Remember SpongeBob,” Squidward looked at his partner. “Not everyone is going to be good so we need to filter through all the candidates appropriately.” 

“Well I’m a filter feeder,” SpongeBob said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“I…” Squidward was lost for words. “Nevermind, can you please get the first interview and bring them in?” 

SpongeBob poked his head out of the office and called in the first of many potential applicants. It was going to be a long afternoon, but hopefully by the end of the day they wouldn’t need to worry about this again. 

“Hello,” Squidward stood up out of his chair. “Mr. MacCrabson?”

“Aye,” a plump crab said with a thick Scottish brogue. “That'd be me, ya can call me William though.” 

“Good to meet you William,” Squidward said. “Please take a seat and tell me a bit about yourself.” 

“Aye lad,” the crab sat down. “Back home in Argyll, I was a cook making some of the best kelp and chips in the North Atlantic. However, the water was too cold and my wife, well the lovely little lass wanted to go somewhere warmer. We packed up and set off for the Great Barrier Reef, but ran out of steam here in Bikini Bottom, ya see. So we set up our life here.”

“So you have cooking experience then?” SpongeBob asked. 

“Aye wee sponge,” William cleared his throat. “I’ve been cooking for 20 or 30 years now. It’s all I know and I’m damn good at it too.” 

“So why do you want to work here at the Krusty Krab?” Squidward said. 

“Well I’m a bit of a crusty crab myself aren’t I?” William let out a hearty laugh. “But really, my wife is working and I can be sitting on my fat arse at home anymore. Don’t ya worry though, I’m a hard worker and I’ll be committed to the job. My only real hobbies are sitting down with a wee pint or a dram after work, so nothing will be interfering.” 

“What are your salary requirements,” Squidward was ready to hire him on the spot, but was worried he wanted more than they could afford. 

“More than a pittance, but less than a pence,” William leaned back in the chair. “Or if you rather have an actual number figure, how about $15 an hour?” 

“So when can you start?” Squidward was relieved, that was far less than he was expecting. 

“If ye got an apron on ya,” William laughed again. “Now, in ten minutes, whenever ya be needing me.” 

“Well I’m sold,” Squidward looked at his partner. “SpongeBob?” 

“Welcome to the team William!” SpongeBob held out his hand and the big crab took it in his claw and shook it. 

“So tomorrow morning then?” Squidward smiled. 

“Aye lad,” William shocked the octopus’s tentacle and headed out the door happy to be employed. 

“Well that went better than expected,” Squidward let out a deep breath. “Do you want to get the next candidate? We still need a cashier and someone to wait tables.”

SpongeBob hopped down off the chair and left the office. Moments later he returned with a young blue mackerel who looked fresh out of school and nervous just to be on the interview. 

“Please take a seat,” SpongeBob smiled. “Can you please tell us about yourself?” 

“Thank you Sponge-san,” the fish gave a little bow to SpongeBob before sitting down. “My name is Kioshi Ishikawa and I recently moved to Bikini Bottom with my parents. I’m trying to save up to buy a boat of my own so I can one day be a world class racer, but for now I need a place to work and some place that will give me plenty of hours.” 

“Do you have any restaurant experience?” Squidward asked, noting how polite the boy seemed to be. 

“Yes Squidward-san,” Kioshi replied. “My uncle owned a ramen shop and every summer I worked for him. I don’t have any cooking experience, but I know the most important thing is keeping the customers happy. I’m also not afraid of getting my fins dirty to clean or fix anything that’s broken.”

“Do you think you’d rather be a cashier or a waiter?” SpongeBob piped up. 

“Either is fine with me,” Kioshi smiled. “If I had to choose though, I like the idea of being a cashier. I assume I would be taking orders as well?”

“You would,” Squidward said. “It can be busy at times and slow at others so it always ebbs and flows. I don’t mind if you read or study during the down times either.” 

“That sounds perfect,” Kioshi was excited at the prospect. 

“Can you start tomorrow?” SpongeBob asked. 

“I can Sponge-san,” Kioshi was practically beaming with excitement. 

“Welcome aboard,” Squidward held out his tentacle to seal the deal. 

After Kioshi left, Squidward was thankful that this wasn’t turning into a long afternoon like he’d feared. However, that excitement was short lived as the next slew of candidates were anything but ideal. 

“How many more do we have left?” Squidward sighed and looked at SpongeBob.

“Just one,” SpongeBob sounded just as tired as his husband. “I’ll go get her, hopefully she’s good.”

A few moments later SpongeBob led a purple octopus into the room and had her sit down. 

“Hello Mrs.?” Squidward couldn’t find any paperwork on her. 

“Squennifer Rockreef,” she said cheerfully. “You can call me Squenny if you want though. And sorry I’m not on the list, I didn’t fill out an application but a friend of mine said you were hiring and I figured I’d give it a shot. Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?”

“Indeed Squenny,” Squidward admired the go get ‘em attitude already. “So tell me about yourself?”

“Well I was a barista at Starfish’s Coffee and Bakery,” she began. “But between going to school and having to be there at 4am, I wasn’t getting much studying in. I’m trying to pay my way through school right now.” 

“What are you studying?” SpongeBob asked. 

“Art mostly,” Squenny replied. “I want to be a graphic designer, but I like painting, drawing, sculpting, you name it. Art school is expensive though so it’s slow going but I’m determined to make it.” 

“I’m a bit of a painter myself,” Squidward was interested now. “So we’re looking for a waitress, is that something you’re ok with?” 

“Of course,” she giggled. “I’d do almost anything if it meant a solid paycheck.” 

“Great,” Squidward leaned back in his chair. “So the good thing is you wouldn’t have to be here until 9 or 10 in the morning and you’d be done by 6 at night. Pay is $10 an hour plus tips. Also, if something comes up for school, we can work around it. A waitress isn’t critical to our operations, but it certainly makes things go much smoother.” 

“Wow that sounds perfect!” Squenny nearly squealed out with delight. 

“Tomorrow morning then?” SpongeBob asked. 

“You mean I got the job?” Squenny was actually squealing now. 

“You sure did,” Squidward extended his tentacle to shake on it. 

“Oh thank you!” she leapt out of the chair. “You won’t regret this!” 

After Squenny had left, SpongeBob and Squidward both sat down with a huff. It ended up being a long day after all, but at least their staff was set for the foreseeable future. 

“Neptune alive,” Squidward took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Why wasn’t she like the third one we interviewed? We’d be home by now.”

“At least we can start planning that vacation now,” SpongeBob was lost in thought. 

“Very true,” Squidward replied. “I just hope we don’t have a repeat of what happened last time.” 

“I think we’re safe,” SpongeBob giggled. “There wasn’t a handsome octopus in the bunch and I don’t think Squenny is our, you know, type.” 

They both had a good laugh at that and started to clean up so they could get home to see their lovely little girl.


	4. Corked

That night while laying in bed, Squidward was reading a book while SpongeBob was fiddling with his phone. It felt good to be in the soft bed after the day they had and their aching bodies appreciated the comfort.

“Hey Sponge?” Squidward set down his book. “My back is killing me, can you rub it for me?”

“Of course my love,” SpongeBob set the phone down as Squidward flopped over onto his stomach. “Where does it hurt the most?” 

“Upper middle,” Squidward winced as SpongeBob started kneading the sore area. “Oof, right there.” 

SpongeBob continued to work on the knots in his partner’s back, but Squidward’s aches and pains weren’t the only thing on the sponge’s mind. He knew that oftentimes these massages led to him being pounded silly by the octopus’s mating arm. He was hopeful that this time wouldn’t be any different. 

SpongeBob worked his way lower and lower down Squidward’s body, using his little fingers to really work over the octopus’s turquoise skin. He didn’t want to get to the main prize too soon though and really wanted to tantalize his partner, hopefully getting him just as much into the mood as he was. 

“I know what you’re doing,” Squidward said coyly. 

“Oh,” SpongeBob thought he’d done something wrong. “Sorry Squiddy.” 

“What?” Squidward didn’t realize his tone sounded upset. “No, no, no. I know what you’re doing and I like it. Please, by all means, continue. I’m not going to stop you.”

SpongeBob let out a laugh and went back to working his way down the octopus’s body. 

“Can you maybe go lower?” Squidward suggested. 

SpongeBob did as he was asked and worked his way down to just above the octopus’s backside.

“No lower,” Squidward gave his partner a little verbal nudge. 

“Like this?” SpongeBob moved his hands from Squidward’s lower back to his butt. 

“That’s good,” Squidward smiled, not that the sponge could see it. “But I think a little lower might do the trick.”

SpongeBob’s hand migrated from Squidward’s bum to in between his legs and what he’d been hoping for, the octopus’s siphon.

“There you go,” Squidward let out a soft sigh of pleasure. 

SpongeBob smiled and slipped his hand into Squidward’s special place causing him to growl out. Feeling proud of himself, SpongeBob started to work his hand around inside the tight space, letting it explore its depths. 

Even though SpongeBob had been here before, it felt stranger than usual. The octopus’s siphon was typically dry and warm, but for whatever reason tonight it was wet and felt very, very hot. SpongeBob didn’t mind though, in fact he kind of liked it, and the sounds emanating from his partner was enough to make him reconsider asking any questions. 

As he continued to work his hand around, SpongeBob could feel his spongy skin absorbing whatever the wetness down there was. There was also a satisfying squishing noise every time he twisted and turned his hand, which made him only want to explore more of the special cavity. 

Squidward was enjoying himself too. His mind was floating on the cloud of pure bliss and even though the wetness was weird to even him, he didn’t care at this moment. All the octopus wanted was for those slender fingers to keep exploring him all night long. 

SpongeBob’s hand sped up and he was now pumping in and out of the siphon as fast as he could. Unbeknownst to the sponge though, his hand was rapidly expanding as it absorbed Squidward’s fluid. It was now so big that it was caressing Squidward’s ink sac with every thrust in and out of the narrow hole. 

“Oh Neptune,” Squidward howled out. “You’re going to make me...make me...ma...ma...ma…”

Squidward’s legs began thrashing around wildly and he felt his whole body start to tense up. He didn’t know if he was going to cum, ink, or both but whatever it was he just wanted it to be released. 

With a loud shriek, his siphon contracted tightly around SpongeBob’s wrist and he felt a gushing sensation in his lower body. However, nothing came out like he was expecting. The bed was completely dry and he didn’t feel the all to fiamilar sensation of fluid dripping out of him.

Squidward then felt immense pressure on his ink sac, followed by another spasm. Still nothing shot out though. 

“Sponge take your hand out,” Squidward cried out, starting to feel uncomfortable. 

“I can’t,” SpongeBob tried to remove his hand. “I’m stuck!” 

“Pull harder!” Squidward’s siphon was going from a feeling of discomfort to one of outright pain. 

SpongeBob yanked as his hand, but no matter how hard he pulled he couldn’t dislodge it from the octopus’s cavity. Tears were starting to form in his eyes as he continued to pull. The pain in his arm was starting to get to him and he was on the verge of sheer panic.

“Oh fuck,” Squidward moaned and his body thrashed about again. He felt the pressure build one more time coupled with the sensation of his body trying to eject his fluid, but still nothing came out. 

SpongeBob continued to try to remove his hand, but it was no use. No matter how hard he pulled, it wouldn’t break free. He thought about removing his arm since he could just grow another, but that wouldn’t solve the immediate problem of Squidward’s siphon being effectively corked.

“Please!” Squidward was begging and tears of his own were flowing down his face. 

“I’m trying to Squiddy,” SpongeBob said through panicked sobs. “Wait...I have an idea.”

“Anything!” Squidward howled. 

SpongeBob drew in a huge breath, exhaled, then pinched his nose and tried breathing in again to create a suction within his body. Thankfully it worked and he began to draw the fluid away from his hand and distribute it throughout the rest of his spongy flesh. He repeated the act several more times, trying to pull his hand out after every attempt, but it was still not budging. 

Finally, after six attempts and on the verge of passing out, SpongeBob’s hand popped free from Squidward’s siphon. Now uncorked, a tidal wave of ink gushed from the octopus and covered the bed before running onto the floor and forming a huge puddle of black fluid. 

With a whimper Squidward finally relaxed, his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his entire body feeling like jelly. He tried to move, but couldn’t and felt very close to losing consciousness completely. He’d never had anything like that happen to him before and he certainly didn’t ever want it to happen to him again. 

SpongeBob tried to rouse his partner, but it was no use, Squidward’s eyes were now shut and his breathing was heavy. Figuring he should let the octopus be, SpongeBob slid off the bed and walked into the bathroom, his feet making a squishing sound with every step. 

Feeling exhausted himself, SpongeBob figured he’d just give himself a quick clean up before attempting to do something about the ink stained room. He made his way over to the sink and that’s when he saw his reflection in the mirror. 

“Neptune!” SpongeBob’s eyes became as large as dinner plates when he saw what was staring back at him in the mirror. His normally yellow skin had black stripes running through it with the epicenter being his hand. 

His panic returning, SpongeBob grabbed a towel and tried to wash himself off but no matter how hard he scrubbed, the black lines weren’t disappearing. 

“This isn’t good,” SpongeBob sighed and sat down on the bathroom floor. “I guess I better clean up the room since it looks like I’m not going to get myself clean anytime soon.”

SpongeBob sat on the bathroom floor for several minutes trying to find the energy to pick himself up. It was going to be a long, long night.


End file.
